What's not to like

I am a 33-year old single woman. My last relationship lasted two and a half years and the one before that lasted about five years. Today, I am living a typical single's life in the Bay Area. Dating casually, the other person very well knows that you might be seeing someone else at the same time. There are so many single people and none of them seem to want to commit, including myself. Well, being single is not at all a stigma in this part of the world. Being single is a time to enjoy your friends and your freedom. One cannot commit because nobody quite fits one's criteria of an ideal mate. And if you settle, you might miss out on the next great guy or gal that you meet online.

Of course it's catch-22. I am crazy about this guy I met several months ago. He calls me every other week for a movie or something. And no, he doesn't see that I want him more than just a casual relationship. Or maybe he knows it, but he doesn't really want a relationship, with me or anybody. He recently got a divorce when I met him. He has a very young daughter that he shares custody with his ex-wife with. This is his second divorce and yeah he just wants to be single because he is embracing his freedom from wife-terror!!! His ex-wife took the house he invested in for what he thought would be a life-long bliss. His heart shattered for the second time and yes, he wants to take a break and be alone. But I am crazy about him. And so when he calls to see me, I am always available.

But that doesn't mean my world had stopped because of him. I am still out there looking. I am still building a career; I still go to school for higher education. I still go out with my friends. I still pay my mortgage. "Don't do that because of me" "I am not that great", he would say to me. I know very well what that means. I say the same things to guys that I am not too interested in. He has told me all the lines that I would tell someone I am not into. I see this very clearly. And yet I still can't let him go. While I haven't found the right guy, I would still be answering his booty calls. I have turned him down in many occasions though. I wanted to let him know that sometimes I just want to see him and spend time with him. When I tell him I like him, he would say "what's not to like". And I would say "nothing".

He will never see me as someone more than what I am now to him. But I like him so. He stormed my world the night I first met him. And my world have not been struck so immensely since. And so I could not commit to anybody else. And I love myself more and so I have not created my world around him. But I wish my world is his world too.

Shoes

I'm a sucker for shoes - especially mary janes and sandals. When I was in Phoenix, I had this favorite shoe store in the Biltmore Fashion Park area. There were rows and rows of designer shoes, reasonably priced and high in style. These days, my favorite shoe stores are the ones online. There are hundreds of styles to choose from. You can view the shoe from several angles. You can filter your search for the type of shoe you want, as well as the color, price, heel height, size and width. I would spend a lot of time scanning, hoping that one would catch my eye.

I just made 3 orders online in the past 2 weeks, each order having at least 3 pairs. Of course, I would return those that did not fit me well or those that I did not like. And so out of the 11 pairs that were delivered to my doorstep (free of charge!!!), I've kept 3 pairs so far. And returns are free too! All you have to do is print the return form and mailing label, and drop it off to the designated shipping company.

It turns out purchasing shoes does not really save me time. I spend at least 2 hours each day browsing the online inventory. But it doesn't happen everyday, though. It kinda like when you get the itch to buy a car. It never goes away until you have satisfied your appetite and made the final purchase. With shoes, the itch is not to buy one pair. The itch is to have so many different shoes in your wardrobe, in different colors and style. The itch only goes away when you have lined up all the different pairs and satisfied that you have all desire.

Right now, in my head, I want 4 pairs of sandals and mary janes. And because I have not found the perfect black mary janes, my search goes on. If I had not searched online, I may still be searching for all four pairs. And thus I say, I am saving time. On the other hand, I may have given up the search when I have looked through all the racks of my favorite shoe store and couldn't find the right shoes. I have to say though, I wouldn't just buy any shoe that seems ok. It has to be the right pair. Comfort - high heels but can walk at least half a mile with them on; Style - trendy but does not go out of style right away; Price - not cheap but not too expensive either. And that is keeping this process very long. But that guarantees I will use and keep them for a long time.